Or are we thinking about them all wrong?
A few weeks ago, I saw a video of someone talking about how bucket lists are morbid because it’s essentially a check list that leads you to death. They argued that life is disappointing and meaningless if everything isn’t checked off when you make it to your deathbed.
While I support people having their opinions and hot takes, I feel like this take leans a little too far into bleakness. Perhaps more people feel this way than I realize, but for the people I know, they are either are ambivalent about death and bucket lists, or their bucket list is about pursuing hopes and exploring what life has to offer. After all, we walk around in a meat suit on a floating rock amongst other floating rocks and stars. I fall into the latter category.
I’m not a stranger to death or talking about it. I’ve lost my fair share of loved ones and after a particularly hard loss, I realized we don’t talk about death enough. We don’t talk about what its like for the person dying or for the people on the journey with them in room as they take their last breath.
Because of our societal aversion to discussing the inevitable, I think we approach bucket lists in a similar way. We know we’re going to die, but we don’t actively think about what we want that to look like, who we want to share our last moments with, or how we want to shape our lives so we don’t have regrets on our deathbed. Instead, we put it off, saying we’ll “figure it out later”.
In the meantime, the list collects dust. Climbing a mountain, driving a race car, or making a million dollars might sound fun, but many people never make those things an active part of their life plans. They don’t train to climb the mountain because they’ll deal with it when they retire. Or maybe they don’t actually want to do those things; they just put them on the list because they sound good. Ultimately, some people make it to retirement and climb the mountain, while others don’t make it past 52. None of us know which hand we’ll be dealt.
So I’d like to offer an alternative. Have the bucket list. Make it grand or make it simple. It’s your life and your list. But make plans to DO the things, and understand the why behind them.
Sure, you can put skydiving on the list, but why? If its there because you want to conquer your fear of heights, do you really want to wait until you’re 70 to jump out of a plane? Or could you make a plan to do it in the next five years because you want to feel confident that you can do hard things, which is something you can carry with you for the rest of your life?
Some may argue they do want to wait until they’re 70 because if something goes wrong, they’ve already lived a full life and won’t miss out on important life milestones. That’s also completely valid. Knowing that “why” behind the items on your list helps you navigate the how and when, which is sometimes the hardest part of making a bucket list.
I’ve personally had several iterations of bucket lists throughout my life. My college bucket list looks very different from my list as a 40-year-old because my priorities have changed. And that’s okay because there are literally no rules. In fact, I have a bucket list specifically for concerts, one for things I want to do while living in Colorado, and a regular life bucket list. Having them separate helps my brain so that’s what I do. Make it work for you!
One of the items on my list that I never got around to was climbing the cable trail on Half Dome by age 40. Why? I was looking for physically and mentally challenging adventures to add to my list, and this one seemed like the perfect combination. It was terrifying enough to challenge me mentally, but physically achievable with consistent training. Plus it came with the reward of a gorgeous view and bragging rights.
I could amend the list and change that goal to age 50, but honestly, I don’t want to climb it anymore. The why isn’t as appealing as it was when I was 30. It would be great if I eventually got to do it, but I have other priorities I want to focus on, like visiting all the U.S. National Parks to spend more time in nature, and experience the variety of dramatic and beautiful landscapes that make up this country.
All that to say, none of us get out of here alive. And if you have…call me. I have many questions.
Having a bucket list doesn’t necessarily mean you’re death obsessed or bring you any closer to it. And having items remain unchecked on your list for a lifetime doesn’t make your life meaningless. You can live a wonderful and fulfilling life without a bucket list!
Whether or not you have one, I encourage you to take some time to reflect on your future: where you want to go, what you want to do and see, and, most importantly, why. Then start figuring out how to make it happen.
You deserve to see your dreams become part of your life, so don’t sell yourself short. Make the time you have on this floating rock count.